


it's time we danced with the truth

by woojibear



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: But I honestly can't, Give Woojin more hugs, I should probably stop writing so much angst, M/M, More angst, here we go again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 09:57:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19461607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woojibear/pseuds/woojibear
Summary: The only constant in Chan's life was gone, just out of his reach, high up in stardom and only mere memories would serve justice for the impact Kim Woojin had on Chan's life.Or: people split apart and Chan can't help but wonder how one person was able to take his entire heart with them.





	it's time we danced with the truth

Chan had always been way out of Woojin's league. From his astounding musical talent to his admirable work ethic, it always seemed as though there wasn't a thing that Bang Chan couldn't do. 

The pair met in an isolated studio, deep into the depths of night, Woojin desperately trying to hit notes that seemed so far out of his reach, and Chan hunched over his laptop, the same chord progression playing in his head over and over again. 

Both men had assumed that no sane person would be up practising this late at night so at 4:52am, when frustration and anger had completely taken over, Woojin found himself screaming the words to the song at the top of his now raspy voice whilst at the very same time, Chan had opted to throw his synthesiser on the floor and began to aggressively swipe at everything on his desk, sending the objects clattering to the floor. 

The sudden noise coming from either end of the studio startled the pair and they both made their way through the desolate building before coming into contact with one another. 

Woojin gave a sheepish smile when Chan had asked about "The guy who was yelling Maroon 5 lyrics," the ends of his eyes slightly crinkling and Chan had let out an embarrassed choking noise when asked about a "Large object thrown on the floor and angry stomping following straight after." 

The two decided to partner up with one another and as the sun painted the studio with light pink hues, Chan looked over to Woojin's fast asleep body and fondly smiled, his mind recalling Woojin's slurred promises of staying awake purely to spite Chan. 

The pair began to meet more frequently, Woojin staying with Chan until his eyes grew heavy and Chan carrying Woojin home, every single time. 

When Woojin had graduated, Chan was unsure how he felt. Whilst his heart soared at the sight of Woojin's bright smile as he collected his diploma, his mind consistently reminded him that this would most likely be the last time that he would ever see the other man, and the idea made Chan's stomach sink ever so slightly. 

But Chan was not a man of much action, so he watched Woojin go, dropped him off at the airport after hearing his ambitions of moving to Seoul and pursuing a career there, and tried his very hardest to remove the remnants of Woojin from his heart that just refused to let go. 

The next few months were hard on both Chan and Woojin. 

Woojin, having successfully joined an agency, had realised the hardships of pursuing such a career without anyone by his side. Without a place to go to at the end of the day, Woojin wandered through the expanse of the studio and mournfully chided himself for still looking into every studio room, wondering if by any chance, that Chan would somehow be there waiting for him, headphones around his neck and a tired smile on his face. 

Chan had never quite managed to let go of Woojin. He still caught himself looking out of the corner of his eyes for a sleeping figure resting on the sofa only to realise that no, Woojin was not here and would most likely never be again. He still called Woojin's name after turning off his laptop, stretched his arms out expectant of Woojin's pliant body to collapse straight into them only to remember that no, Woojn was not here. 

After a certain point, Chan had swallowed his pride and decided to call him for the first time since he left, his heart aching to hear something, anything that came out of Woojin's mouth. 

Woojin had picked up almost instantly, surprise evident in his voice as he squeaked out "Chan?" 

The two talked about nothing and everything for hours on end, Chan having put the phone on speaker and resting it near his desk, just to hear Woojin's voice echo in a room that had been missing him for months now. On the other side of the phone, Woojin had placed the phone near his head as he laid on his cold sofa, desperate to hear Chan's voice close to him again. 

They had decided that a meetup was long overdue and Woojin insisted on showing Chan around Seoul, ensuring him that it was "so worth the trek." So the two wandered the busy streets of Seoul, eventually reaching the Namsal tower in the evening and as Woojin tugged on Chan's sleeve ever so tenderly and pointed to the fluorescent lights high up in the sky, it was clear that Woojin had made a place in Chan's heart. 

The time spent apart from Woojin after having him in his arms only the night before always hurt the most. It tore at Chan's heart having to hold Woojin for presumably the last time before he would most likely drown in his work, his knees were always a bit unsteady as he made his way back to his apartment, one side of his body feeling slightly colder than the other. 

But Woojin had been so good to Chan. He was only ever a call away, just a few tones away before his voice would flood the quiet studio, soothing Chan's mind instantly as he rattled off about his day. 

Sometimes, Woojin would fall asleep whilst on the phone, small puffs of breath barely audible in the room and Chan would never admit it, but those times were always the best since he could turn around in his chair and smile into the thin air, pick up his phone and pretend that the achingly light device was the person he missed the most.  
It was unclear as to what the two were for a long time, the boundary between a strong friendship and something more seeming to blur day by day. Woojin had tried hopelessly convincing himself that his heart's constant yearning for Chan's presence was just a sign of how deeply rooted their friendship was, nothing more.

Chan had always been an overly affectionate person with everyone he met so Woojin scolded himself and reminded himself that he was not the only person in Chan's life and that whatever he thought he was seeing in their 'relationship' was merely a figment of his imagination, or rather a cold reminder of the fact that Woojin would forever want somebody that was never his in the first place. 

Woojin was having a tough day. After receiving harsh criticism on his newest piece of music, a soft ballad that had come straight from the depths of his heart, Woojin didn't know what to do. 

Before, he would sullenly trudge into the one room he always felt welcome in and the one person he confided in would always be there. 

Chan would know, he always knew these things. So he would engulf Woojin, let him go completely limp against his body and just hold him. It never took much for Chan to comfort Woojin, simply being in Chan's presence was enough to convince Woojin that this was where he belonged, side by side with the most important person in his life.

But times had changed, Woojin had long since left Chan behind and as he walked down the halls of the studio, every single step seemed to weigh him down further and further, knowing that there would be no comfort for him within these walls. 

Instead, Woojin did the only thing he knew else to do. He took a bath, a long and ice cold bath, his entire body tensing up as he entered the freezing water.

All his thoughts faded into nothing as he deprived himself of the warmth that he desperately missed, because no matter how scorching the water could get, it would never really make him feel the same way Chan did. 

Although Woojin hated to be a burden on others, that night, as he laid in his empty bed, his body numb and cold, he found his shaky fingers reaching for the one contact, aching to just hear him. 

He waited, and waited, and waited. 

The increase in the number of tones equally increased Woojin's heart rate as it dawned on him that Chan would most likely not pick up.

As the automated voice informed him that the number he was calling was unavailable, Woojin tried to settle the sinking feeling in his heart and reminded himself that it was fine for Chan to not always be there for him. 

It was unreasonable of him to assume that Chan would drop it all for him in the first place, hadn't Woojin been the one so eager to leave it all behind? 

Woojin drew a breath in and put the phone by his head except this time, there would be no voice by his side, just him and his treacherous feelings. 

Chan had decided to be selfish, just this once. Just this once, he needed Woojin to know that he wasn't the only person in his life, that he wasn't the only thing constantly on his mind, that he didn't need Woojin. 

Though it hurt Chan so much, tore him from the inside having to let the vibration of his phone continue on and on, he knew it had to be done.  
Because Woojin had probably called out of pity, he'd probably called just because he knew how dysfunctional Chan was without him, without his anchor keeping his mind at bay. 

So on that night, as Chan stared glassy-eyed at his silent phone, he couldn't help but wonder how things had gotten so hard.

Woojin scarcely called after that. In the throes of his emotions, he hadn't realised how clingy he was being, Chan had work to do, of course he did. Because Chan wasn't like Woojin, he was naturally talented, he didn't need teams of people to guide him, it was always just him and his ambition guiding him to success. 

When Woojin had released his debut song, a song entailing the gruelling hardships of forever wanting something that would always be out of reach, he thought of calling Chan. 

He couldn't help but wonder what Chan would think. Would he like the song? Tell him he had done an amazing job? Or would he simply congratulate Woojin and wish him luck in the future?

The latter seemed far more realistic as of late but in the evening, as Woojin came down from this electric high of newfound fame, he had realised that there was only ever one person that he wished to share this feeling with. 

So all sense of shame put aside, Woojin called Chan at 4:52am and informed him of the news. 

Chan had been so happy, ecstatic even, to hear about Woojin's debut song. Endless praise was thrown over the phone call and for once, Woojin had felt so ignited by it, that it almost felt as though Chan was here right by his side. 

When the phone call ended, Chan's delighted demeanour morphed into one of slight jealousy. Jealousy was an emotion Chan wished that he could get rid of, it twisted his stomach in painful ways, filled his mind with unthinkable thoughts. 

He reminded himself that this was what Woojin deserved, for he had struggled for so long and it was great to see his friend succeed in the one thing he dreamed of doing most.  
But so had Chan god damn it. He'd always wanted it just as much as Woojin, were endless nights cramped in a studio all for nothing? 

After that phone call, Woojin's hope had been reignited, he had felt encouraged to continue this friendship he had going with Chan, maybe something more could arise out of it he thought in the back of his mind. 

On the other end of the line, Chan had felt discouraged from ever speaking to Woojin again. What was the point of talking to someone so far out of his grasp, living the life he had always envisioned for himself?

It was never meant to be like this, they were meant to go together and Chan couldn't help but give into these emotions, his thoughts clouded with blinding anger and hurt at being left behind by the one person that had always stayed. 

So when Woojin began calling again regularly, Chan didn't know how to react. The buzzing sound that used to bring such a comforting feeling to him made his brows furrow, his hands clench and his heart drop.

Chan was sadly a weak man though, so when Woojin called, he picked up. Time and time again, he let Woojin ramble on about the intricacies of his day, from the moment he woke up to the moment he had decided to call Chan. 

Chan listened on the other end of the line, a tight-lipped smile that didn't quite reach his eyes adorning his features as he desperately tried his best to just be happy for the other. 

It was the night of Woojin's first award show that Chan had decided that the unbearable feeling Woojin seemed to spark in his chest was just not worth it anymore. 

Woojin had called so gleefully, so purely joyous at the prospect of his first win. His speech came out jumbled and incoherent as he babbled on about how surreal it all felt. 

"To think that only a few months ago, I was sleeping in your studio whilst you-"  
Woojin's nostalgia was cut short by the phone call abruptly ending. 

Woojin's face scrunched up in concern as he looked at his now brightly lit phone, maybe the connection had just failed he thought to himself. Looking at the time, he had realised how much he had been talking and an embarrassed blush made its way up his body.

He decided it was probably best to call it a night, he'd just call Chan tomorrow. 

Woojin couldn't sleep that night, the adrenaline coursing through him was never ending and his body shook with joy every time he remembered that his struggle had been worth it. 

Chan couldn't sleep that night either. After ending the call, his phone was swiped off the table and had clattered to the floor, just like the day that he and Woojin had met, Chan thought bitterly. 

Laying in bed, his aching heart refused to cease its palpitations and his mind refused to stop reminding him of the fact that Woojin was gone. The only constant in Chan's life was gone, just out of his reach, high up in stardom and only mere memories would serve justice for the impact that Kim Woojin had on Chan's life. 

The first time Woojin called afterwards, the call had gone straight to voicemail. It wasn't uncommon for Chan to turn his phone off during his studio sessions, so Woojin stayed on the line and sent a voicemail instead. 

"Hey Channie! It's me, I don't know where your phone is but make sure you call me back, bye!" 

The second time, after Woojin's debut album had come out, the same automated voice flooded his ears, making them ring and drown out the background noise of the afterparty. 

"Channie, I hope you've found your phone, remember your spare charger's just in the draw above the plugs, my album's out.. it'd mean a lot if you could listen to it." 

The third, fourth and fifth-time Woojin called, the same words greeted him back, informing the same thing again and again. 

"I'm not sure where you are but please stay safe, things are quite boring here.. I was listening to the rain and thought of you.. Channie please call me back I miss you," the last few words were mumbled, the phone slipping from Woojin's grasp as he settled down into his sofa, his heart heavy in his chest. 

The phone laying on Chan's nightstand was a solemn reminder of his relationship with Woojin, a relationship that he could no longer see himself having the heart to be a part of. 

Idol life was difficult for Woojin. Surrounded by people controlling him, monitoring his every move, it was extremely challenging to find someone to confide in.

When Woojin had foolishly told his manager about his struggle for inspiration, his internet had been blocked for a week, all his ties to the outside world cut off. That week was the worst week of Woojin's life, his phone not even there to remind him of the one person that used to always be there for him. 

When his phone had been given back, after much grovelling, Woojin's fingers blindly made their way towards the one contact that forever remained engrained in his head.  
However, as always, the phone went straight to voicemail. It seemed to do a lot of that lately. 

"I've got my phone again Channie but you haven't called," the whining in his voice was evident as his mouth formed a slight pout.

His playful tone quickly digressed into one of sadness and worry as he trailed off with "If I'd done something you'd say so right?" The words weighed heavy in the silent room and Woojin ended the voicemail and decided that it was best to just stop now. 

It was clear that Chan didn't want anything to do with Woojin and it was foolish of him to assume that he would ever deserve someone like that to begin with. 

Chan's debut came as a relief to him. 7 inexplicably difficult years later, he was finally at a point in his life where he was happy. So why was it, in a room full of all his friends and family, that he couldn't even bring himself to put a smile on his face? 

Months went by, all ties between the two severed, Woojin's career had skyrocketed, his life had completely revolved around constant shows and comebacks. But it was in the night, in the darkness of a hotel room or studio that the empty void would come and clutch him, causing Woojin to bite his knuckles and cry into his fists because he just wanted to know why he was so unlovable. What had he done to drive off the only person that saw him as just him?

A proposition was brought up in a meeting that Woojin attended the next day. A collaboration with CB97. 

Woojin's face paled at the mention of the source of his gaping heartache and he had refused until it was made clear to him that this wasn't an option, but rather a confirmation of what would take place. 

Seeing Chan again was something that Woojin hated to say felt weird. Unlike other times, he didn't softly chuckle and run straight into Chan's forever waiting embrace, he simply stood by the door and cleared his throat when no words were exchanged between the two. 

He sat a measurable distance away from the latter and they began to brainstorm ideas for their song, coming to the conclusion of the concept being a long distance relationship.

Chan had seemed very passionate about the songwriting of the track and given his recent failures with writing his own songs, he saw no reason as to why Chan shouldn't simply be in charge of the lyrics. 

It was when his ideas started to become too much that Woojin struggled. He struggled singing about forever missing someone who was never his, a knot always forming in his throat as his relationship with Chan persistently sprung in his mind, tightening around his neck painfully. 

It never got easier, working with Chan. He would bring him coffee late at night and stayed with him until the sun came up, his body always failing him as he would always wake up with a blanket enveloping him. 

Chan always looked the same, a fleeting reminder of the life he could've had, always at the forefront of his mind whenever he looked at him. 

But Woojin was fine with it, he tried so desperately to convince himself that it was too late for anything between the two of them to even be possible. So he poured his heart and soul into the vocals of the song, looked at Chan one last time before the sun came up and left the same morning. 

The track was an instant success, Chan's heartfelt lyrics complimented Woojin's voice beautifully and it almost seemed as though the two went hand in hand, both the lyrics and vocals reflecting a missed opportunity at a forever. 

Woojin never heard Chan's voice again, whether it was through a crackly telephone line or right by his side in person but Chan however, Chan never stopped hearing Woojin's voice painfully singing the very lyrics he wrote about him every, single day.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Please leave a kudos if you liked it and feel free to send over any prompts you have, I'm more than happy to write anything :)


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